Ugh

Well I don't like what you did to me. I feel it was unjust because it was a much more violent version of what I did. How am I supposed to be excited about tomorrow? I don't even want to go to bed and lay next to you now. I'm so tired I could fall over but the hurt is whats keeping me awake. I love you but sometimes you make me so mad I want to hate you and I can't do that because of what you mean to me. I look at all these people I used to know who are having babies and getting divorced and it depresses me so much to know that even a little part of you doesn't want a family right now when I feel so right about one. I'm excited to be trying but at the same time I'm terrified that you aren't and a part of you may die when you find out I'm pregnant. It kills me.

Lonely

I don't know why but all I want to do is crawl into bed and lay as close as possible to my husband but yet at the same time I don't. I feel so rejected lately and I know it's not his fault. His job is making him work these really long awful hours because other people call out so guess who has to work!? It's bullshit. Why do they punish the only person willing to work? They don't realize that it hurts his family life in a way that will never be expressed to him. I can never tell him how I feel because I know that it will only make him feel more guilty than he already does. Oh well keep the brave face on and keep trudging. I have to do what helps him the most.